For all ladies who are deeply hurting, who feel trapped in a hopeless marriage, who are considering divorce but neither staying nor leaving seem to be good options, take courage.
Several years ago during a particularly rocky season in my marriage, I was faced with a decision. Many people were encouraging me to give up on my marriage, even telling me I had Biblical reason to leave. In a decision as monumental as my marriage, I was not about to move until I had clear direction from God. I received that direction many months after I began seeking clarity. I was surprised not only at the clarity of God's answer, but the content. Had God's voice been audible, it could not have been more clear, "Your pride is keeping you from loving your husband as you should." I immediately dropped to my knees and cried out to God, "I can't! I want to obey you, but it is impossible for me to do so." Immediately God brought to mind the verse "With man this is impossible, but with God ALL things are possible." I committed to let God change my heart, knowing full well the change was not within my power. Friends, He did. I encourage you, my fellow "helpmeet", if you are discouraged, hurt, angry, ready to walk out, I deeply sympathize with you. You feel there are no good options. Please know your marriage is a mission possible. God desires your family to be whole. It can begin with your willingness to walk humbly before the Lord God as a helpmeet. Will you take the challenge? Remember, with God, ALL things really are possible. "Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will shew to you to day: for the (enemies) whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever" (Exodus 14:13)

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Love Check List

It is good to frequently visit I Corinthians 13, "The Love Chapter". I am excellent at regularly evaluating my husband's love toward me... :o) Here is a check list straight from the Bible. How am I doing?

  • Love is longsuffering (patient)
  • Love is kind
  • Love does not envy
  • Love does not vaunt itself (boast)
  • Love is not puffed up (proud)
  • Love does not behave itself unseemly (to act unbecomingly)
  • Love does not seek her own (see Philippians 2:4)
  • Love is not easily provoked
  • Love thinks no evil
  • Love does not rejoice in iniquity (unrighteousness, injustice)
  • Love rejoices in the truth
  • Love bears all things (to hide/conceal in relation to faults of others)
  • Love believes all things
  • Love hopes all things (hope as in waiting with confidence)
  • Love endures all things (remain, persevere)
  • Love never fails

Though an ideal relationship has this kind of love flowing both directions, there is nothing in this chapter that specifies love only loves if it's being loved. In fact, words like "does not seek her own", "bears all things", "endures all things" speak very loudly of a sacrificial, unconditional love.

That is the kind of love Jesus shows us. Here is an interesting thing to think about. The Bible says we love God because He first loved us (I John 4:19). He demonstrated that love toward us in Christ. What if we demonstrated Christ's love toward our husbands? What if, in time, Christ in us transformed a formerly unloving man to one who loves us because we first loved him? What if that husband who does not love God, learns about the love of God demonstrated in his wife and not only grows to love her, but grows to love the One who loves through her?

This is a high calling, ladies. Is it impossible to do in our own power. (Remember my theme verse?) I have written previously that the means of enduring a lopsided love comes from focusing on Jesus and all that He endured for us (Hebrews 13). Recently, though, God has challenged me to take this a step further. I Corinthians 8:3 says, "if any man love God, the same is known of him." When I read that verse this week, the thought came to mind that if my love for God is shown in my love for others, then my love for God must be very deep. It needs to run deeper than any obstacle that would keep me from sharing that love. It needs to be based in something even deeper than what God did for me in the person of Jesus. It needs to be based in something even deeper than what God does for me each day. It needs to be based in the very person, the character of God Himself. The character of God is manifest in those things He does for us, but it is so much more. It is beyond comprehension. It is worthy of our attention. In I Corinthians 7, Paul stated how he wished everyone could be single like he was. He understood that is not very realistic! His reason stated in verse 35 is interesting, though, "that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction". That word "distraction" means excessive worry. Stay with me here....

A difficult relationship certainly can be the source of distraction. When we are distracted from building our relationship with God, it greatly affects our ability to love God. When our ability to love God is out of balance, our ability to love our husbands is lost. The point? Focus! Focus on God. Focus on knowing him. Focus on loving him. If that focus is there, the love check list will be a reality in your relationship with your husband.

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